Friday, May 21, 2010

How to not be a beeyotch...

And make friends.....


Today's topic involves something that's a little tricky for me.

See, I'm not perfect (despite reports to the contrary).

I have lots and lots of issues, one of which is my inability to make girl friends....

I often push away people, and yes, I can sometimes seem like a jack hole.

However, I am never intentionally a she-devil, although some girls I knew in high school would probably beg to differ.
This, I believe, is what distinguishes those who are just clueless (like I often am) from those who are just plain spiteful: intention..

I had a very unfriendly education in biterhood during my time as an high school sweetheart. I had an ungodly large chest at a very young age, started dating early, had a relationship that when sour and (even though we did nothing) ended up being rumored as the girl with a bad reputation.

Those ingredients combined made for a rather large helping of haterade coming at me from ALL directions.

I was lucky enough to make a really close girl friend in Charlotte O'Hare when I was a junior in high school, and if it hadn't been for her, I think I might have lost it completely.

She was an amazing girl. We met in drama class. She was an exchange student from Germany with the most amazing accent! :)

We would have sleepovers, lunch together and support each other in all of our drama-filled high school lives! She was with me through break-ups, make-ups and "supposed" hook-ups that all the girls gossiped about me.

Years later, we met up in Costa Rica for a week to celebrate my birthday and her new marriage. It was amazing and, honestly, a time in my life that I felt a bliss that is unimaginable. This was the last time I ever saw Charlotte but I'm glad that I was able to have shared so many wonderful memories with her.

I love you Charlotte O'Hare and I will always keep you in my heart.

Back to school.....

As it was, I knew that girls talked about me. I'm sure I said some stupid things, did some stupid things, pissed off the wrong people. but only the girls who really liked to be mean had to make my life those are the credentials that qualify me to write this list on how to not be a beeyotch and make friends...!

Anyhoo, here's my starter's guide to not being a beeyotch and making friends in the land of girl. These bullet points are in no particular order:

Save the drama for your mama.

gossip is a part of every woman-to-woman relationship. and don't try to lie (to me or yourself) and say that you never gossip--you know you do. and it's ok; one of the perks of having best girlfriends is that you can tell them everything without fear of judgment. at the same time, though, don't get sucked into being your social circle's news syndicate. trust me, that blabbermouthing will come back to bite you in a hot minute.

Keep the competition friendly.
Life is not about seeing who can wear the most fabulous shoes or spend the most money on their car. Although sometimes it's fun to talk about those things, the purpose of existence is not to make other women feel bad because they use wal-mart makeup. In fact, wal-mart carries some fabulous makeup at a very good price (Hello, lashextend!).

Don't cheat.

Whether it be on your husband, your significant other or even with your friends significant other. Don't do it. It's not cute, it's cruel. and greedy.

Be loyal.

One of my biggest complaints about the mean girls that I've known in the past is that they carry a long, sharp knife in their purses and are just waiting for you to turn around so they can slide it right between your shoulder blades. No matter if they were just at your house the weekend before asking you for your enchilada recipe, they'll just as soon turn on you. That doesn't sit so well with me. Stand up for your friends, even if it makes you look like a jerk. It's good karma.

Be honest.
This one is difficult, because honesty is kind of a fluid and subjective entity. Of course you never want to shout out things without putting them through your mouth sphincter, and the thoughts in my head should NOT just come out without warning. What I mean is don't deliberately lie with a malicious intent, like when you want to look like the shiz in front of other people. it's not cool.

Be selfless.
I have had a couple "friends" who didn't understand this principle. Good friends put others before themselves. I'm not saying you should sacrifice the happiness of your family or husband in order to be nice to your friends, but it's my firm belief that if your comfort is the only thing standing between you and serving someone you love, the choice is easy. If you wear a thong, this should be a cinch to understand.

Be humble.
This is by far the hardest point for me. I have a healthy sense of pride, and I am constantly trying to be more teachable. I know that my pride has started many an argument between my friends and me, so I'm working on it. When it comes to friends, put your ego away--you have nothing to prove. And if you do feel like you have something to prove, chances are your friend is a beeyotch.

So what say you? Am I being too harsh? Did I miss something? I am open to disagreement--in fact, I relish it; so regardless of your opinion, leave a comment.

These "rules" may not be perfect and they might, too some of you, be off base. I have just really started getting the hang of friendships and to be completely honest with ya'll....
I have more friends now than I have ever had...
Sad but true.

I really want to take the time to point out those who've had a huge impact on my "friend count" in the recent years.

My mother has always been an amazing friend to me and I feel so blessed to have her. I know that without her holding my hand each and every day. I would not be standing here.


I really need to take time out to truly thank my best friend, Shellaine Biersdorf. For not only being an AMAZING woman but really helping me to learn these rules. I have honestly never had someone like her in my life and don't know how I made it this far without her.
Obviously I am blessed to have my amazing husband to always support and love me throughout whatever life throws at me. I thank the stars that somehow I got so crazy blessed to have Shellaine enter back into my life as well.

We met when I was in elementary and lived just down the road from one another.

She and I had the usually "friendship" which was very juvenile and I'm sure both of us did not follow these rules. I can actually pick out instances to which (at that age) we bluntly disregarded and rebelled against the rules.

But through the magic of the all mighty facebook we met up again 4 years after seeing each other. She has been there with me through the hard times when I just wanna cry and she was a HUGE support to me at my wedding, there from the very beginning to the car ride home. She threw me a bachlorette party and picked me up when I was falling over drunk (the first and ONLY time I've been drunk)

Thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for Shelly-Lane.

Thank you for being my rock Mom-a-mia.

Thank you for the wonderful memories you've left in my heart Car-lotta!

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