Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Howdy Neighbors!

The house right across from ours is for sale..
Like to the side of it....
Refer to the diagram for petes sake!!

Well a couple of days ago the current owners mentioned to me something about people putting an offer on the house.... coming by to check out the neighboorhood...blah blah blah..... our new prospective neighbors have literally JUST pulled up to inspect the potential of this house and are on their way to joining this jolly neighborhood.

In turn: I am hiding out from them.... you know.. in case they want eggs or something. A screwdriver or nuts or bolts.

Listen up new neighbahs:You WON'T find ANY of that stuff here.

SO move along.

And if for some reason you DO find those things.. it's somewhere it's NOT SUPPOSED to be be.. like my husband's underwear drawer or the dog crate.

And YOU my friend shouldn't be snooping around my husbands skivvielou drawer-ANYWAYS.

Also it's none of your beeswax WHY I have eggs in my dog crate.

*I WANT THIS CRATE! SOOO BAD! Oh and the dog too! :)

Signed your new neighbor, whom you MET yesterday.

IF they insist upon borrowing EGGS and or nuts n bolts....

Begin ringing my doorbell to no avail and then subsequently decide to peer into my living room window when no one answers their dings besides a small barking dog...


I shall hold my breath and not move.

I am stone.

I cannot break.

Maybe they'll mistake my house for a wax museum.

Perhaps I'll hold a quizzical look on my mug to really make it convincing.

*I look just like that!

The other inhabitants around here though.. not so sure they can pull off the wax museum look.. should the situation arise.

Might need to re-think strategy.

I take that back... Hubs won't be a problem; provided there is a football / basketball / golf / wrestling / any other sports game on the tevelision. Half the time I stare at him for several intense seconds to see.. if he's BREATHING.

He'll pass the wax museum test.

Still thinking.

Discuss while I ponder my hypothetical.

So anyways.

I'm hiding out.

From my new neighbors.

I did however end up MEETING them, as I mentioned.

An introduction ONLY Kasey could pull off.

Let's backtrack here.

The house next door has been inhabited for our entire ownership period by people that lets just say..... aren't the most present... let's just say they have a few too many lion statues and shirtless chubby man moments to judge me!

I've gotten comfy with the fact that NOT a soul can keep tabs on what I'm doing back there, as in my backyard.

Unless you count the neighbors on the OTHER SIDE of me.. but we've already broken them in.. so they don't count.

I often parade around in my wife beater yellling at my little doggy to 'STAY IN THE DRIVEWAY', ' LEAVE THE PLANTS ALONE" " For PETE'S SAKE would you PUHLEASE stop barking at the catbirdsuninchwormkidspassingbycarsinthebackground." or 'DO NO pee on that!"With no audience.

So I bought this white trash outdoor inflatable chair the other day.

*don't tell the husband.

*also I know it is ugly, I know it is white trash, It looked comfy! Back your critical self off!!

*the hair blowing in the wind is what really sold me

BloField Collection Chair.

Save your blood pressure and Don't buy one.

AND especially dont' buy one Online.

It is like making pigs fly to return it!

EVEN IF IT Freaking LEAKS the second you put air into it.

I digress.

So I spent all day hassling with this mo fo.. only to find out that the top ring deflates over a series of hours.

Not cool Blofield, NOT COOL.

So anyways.

I misread , as I misread all that exists, the claim instructions and proceed to flail about my little mindless world thinking that they are going to be sending me a refund just by speaking to someone on the phone and JUST by filling out a claim.

So BEFORE I can get a refund I eventually find out that I must CUT THE CHAIR UP and send certain portions back to the manufacturer... like some serial chair killer.

I stomped my little heart out on it and now plan to let the dog have his way with it.

Yes.. the air- leaking one.

I have a plan though. I plan to use my blow skillz and my hot air .. .to stand on the side of the effer and just BLOW while visitors relax their day away in our new white trash, now leaking chair.
In the meantime, I ... continue to run out there.. .every couple hours or so.. and BLOW so as not to LOSE the oh so coveted inflatable furniture residing in my backyard.

But alas, yesterday morning.. when I went out to take up my post and BLOW... a few things I neglected.
1. I neglected to DRESS MYSELF. Not unusual. I was flitting about like some ninny in a stained, streched out, past my feet, gramma type of pajama pants.. that are TOO big.. and falls off.
2. I was wearing NO BRA and see through-ish... dirty, black tank.

3. I was barefoot.
4. I went to bed with my hair wet. Just imagine. I have wavy rebellious hair.
5. I began looking for the source of the leak, EAR TO THE GROUND.. circling the chair.

I stop.

...causing my pajamas to FALL DOWN AND BARE MY butt AND IT'S HIDEOUS glory!


In pull our new freaking neighbors.

Oh yeah.

Good job keeping tabs on that Kasey.


I'll send my casserole when I'm done blowing.:)

Evah embarrassed yourself royally?

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